elaines day

Well now it starts.  G is going on family leave.   I don't know how I'll make it these next months.  My diet has gone.

elainesday

I wish I could find more joy.  My diet is blown.   I know I am filling myself with food.  I look around and find no joy.  I am empty.

elainesday

The werewolves were out today.  I don't know why people were so mean today.  Everyone was complaining.  Even some of our doctors were saying they were having a bad day.

elainesday

I watched the last Oprah.  Gosh I can't imagine not seeing the show anymore.  I've learned a lot about myself from the show.

Well I'm off the diet.  Cookies today. I have no motivation.  No one is interested in my blog or my life.
I am not sure what to do.    

elainesday

I am really concerned about my oldest. He is worried about his ex.  He has to realize he is not responsible for her.  She has to find her strength.  I hope he doesn't get in too deep.

Well the diet went down the drain.

I wish someone would come into my life.  I am not motivated at all.

elainesday

Well, still no one following.  I guess I am boring.  I did break the diet today.  I had two pieces of cake.
Upon returning home, though I signed up for Atkins online.  Hopefully, I'll get lots of encouragement.

Still not sure what to make of the family situation.  We will see.

elainesday

I am being bombarded by family.  I really have mixed feelings.  Although, I want to hear from them, I don't can't handle any harrassment.  They really don't know everything that has happened.

I was ill today.  I went off the diet some.

elainesday

Well, its getting tricky, I haven't had a cookie, cake or candy or pie in over a week.  I want.  I am proud of that fact.  But I am not seeking any results.  No one has discovered my blog, so there's no encouragement.  Faith is believing when there is no proof.  So I have to believe that someone will follow and someone will care and that I will start to see results.

Also, I need to have faith that my loneliness will end.  Is there someone who will take me on.  I am a mess.  How do you find someone who will not judge me for my imperfections, but will see the person I've become and work so hard to be.

My job surely something is going to come open.  I feel so bad that I'm complaining when so many aren't working.

Oprah' last weightloss show

Okay let start by saying I weigh 182 pounds.  I am 4'11.  So needless to say I am overweight.  Today Oprah had her last weightloss show.  I can't get over how much people change by losing weight.  It makes me wonder what I would look like.  No one has ever said I was a beauty.  I have long ago been called sexy, but that I believe was just from guys wanting to play around.  I figure I start doing a blog, it may make me accountable.  You see nothing is motivating me.  I have to input here that I have a deppressive disorder.  I have been ill for a long time.  I doing okay, actually I do a lot of work for suicide prevention. 

I am hoping to get support.  Something has to give.  You see I am diabetic.  What did I eat for supper?  A cheese danish.  Yep.  I looked online and again it says to avoid carbs.  I know all this, but I give in. 

elainesday

Well, I checked my weight.  I've gained back the weight I  lost..  Here;s where I get stomped.  I know stress effects me.  But, I just don't know what to do with it.  I can't quit my job.  I don't know how to end my loneliness.


My life has always been depressing.  Well, most of it.  It has always seemed that I'm dependent on others for my happiness.  So how I can I change.  I've come far.  But how far do I have to go.

Starting tommorrow I will exercise.

I do wonder if anyone will follow my journey.  I can't seem to believe any one cares.  Let's see.

elainesday-Sunday

Well I've kept with the diet so, far.  But I can feel my emotions clawing at me.  I want chocolate.  My loneliness and fustration over everthing in my life is tearing at my heart. 

There has to be  a new job on the way.  The tension at work is almost unbearable.  I know eating is how I answer.  In the past, drinking was the answer.  I have to go by work today.  I always wonder what mess I will find.

I will weigh myself, hopefully, I'll find that my weight loss is the same, maybe even better.


.

boringday

As usual I'm sitting here bored.  I've done well with the diet.  I've only had a baked chicken sandwich to eat and I have plenty of healthy things to have later.  But I wish I could go out, there's no money, I splurged yesterday.

My internet connection is not so great or I would spend more time on the computer.

Frankly, I'm just plain lonely.  I really wish someone would come into my life, but then I am so afraid.  I've been abused and cheated on.  My heart can't take it again.

Well, I really need to get to the housework that just isn't going away on it's own.

elainesday

Was not able to blog yesterday.  But did great on diet.  I've lost a smidge under 2 pounds.  Today, however, I sort of gave in.  I went to the BBQ contest.  I did a lot of walking, but I had frozen yogurt.
I hope it didn't hurt too bad.

I had  the day off, but I went by work.   Big mistake!  My boss.

I really need a new job.  The stress is tearing me apart. 

My new weight goals

Okay, today I begin.  For breakfast I had two egg omelet and sausage.  For lunch I had bake chicken and salad.  Now for dinner I'm going to have chicken wings and salad.  I intend to exercise for ten minutes.  The only way I can see me succeeding is to be totally honest.

Okay, next my loneliness, I feel why should anyone want me the way I am.  So needless to say I want to change the way I look.  But I know from the past I always quit.  Something has to give.  I pray it will not be my peace that I work so hard for.